A One-Act Play

by James Robert Strope

415 412 3989

jims@sfsalvo.com

Sam 30 - 45

Peter 25 - 40

Bartender

Cop 1

For optional second scene…

Cop 2

Captain

Samantha

Copyright 2002, San Francisco, California

SAM: Where did you go.

PETER: I had a reason to stop too.

SAM: Go light on the fluids when you working. I told you.

PETER: That’s the back way out.

SAM: I know. Goes out to the lot. I’m gonna have a drink.

PETER: I don’t like it.

SAM: It’s still light out.

PETER: I don’t like that either.

SAM: Double J&B.

PETER: A beer for me.

SAM: Beer makes me wanna go piss.

PETER: There’s a table in the corner.

SAM: I want to sit in the middle. I can see everything.

PETER: You don’t look so happy.

SAM: Yeah, well, that’s funny because I feel real happy.

BARTENDER: You guys want anything else? Something to eat?

SAM: Yeah. We want you to get lost.

PETER: Some money in your pocket. You’ll be all right.

SAM: Shut up and drink.

PETER: You didn’t let the air out.

SAM: You gotta gift for the obvious.

PETER: You’re were supposed to let the air out.

SAM: I’m gonna let the fucking air out.

PETER: You’re gonna.

SAM: Yeah. I’m gonna.

PETER: You want me to do it?

SAM: I’ll finish it.

PETER: What I want to know is how come you didn’t finish it right away.

SAM: In the hall way? You wanted me to finish it in the hall way?

PETER: Doesn’t take long.

SAM: Four o’clock in the afternoon.

PETER: On the road even.

SAM: I was driving, Einstein.

PETER: I could have done it for you.

SAM: When we were moving.

PETER: You could have stopped and let me get in.

SAM: Look. I’ll finish the job. Don’t worry.

PETER: What if the rope doesn’t hold?

SAM: The rope’s not going to break.

PETER: What about the knots?

SAM: Now you’re worried about the fucking knots.

PETER: They could come loose.

SAM: You ever seen one of my knots come loose?

PETER: You always let the air out.

SAM: You’ll make somebody a wonderful grandmother.

PETER: What about the knots?

SAM: The rug.

PETER: You think a rug takes care of everything.

SAM: A good, new rug takes care of a lot. You seen my living room?

PETER: You want me to do it.

SAM: No. I don’t want you to do it.

PETER: I’ll do it right now.

SAM: No you won’t.

PETER: Why not?

SAM: In the parking lot.

PETER: Or we’ll go back out. Why take the chance.

SAM: You worry too much. Do I look worried?

PETER: It’s because you’re going to fuck her. That’s why.

SAM: God, you’re smart.

PETER: It’s the only thing that makes sense.

SAM: Only took you an hour to figure it out.

PETER: You want it live and kicking.

SAM: You’re turning into a fucking genius.

PETER: I should have known.

SAM: You should have known a lot of things.

PETER: I should have known you wouldn’t go soft.

SAM: I’ll show you how it’s done.

PETER: You had me wondering.

SAM: After I fuck her, I’m going to fuck you too.

PETER: You won’t like it.

SAM: I’m not going to do it because I like it.

PETER: I get too much of you already. Just watching you drive.

SAM: I’m going to do it just to see that look on your fucking face. We’re going dry.

PETER: That’s what Mitch was saying just the other night.

SAM: What did Mitch say?

PETER: That you’ll never go soft. You stay with it.

SAM: Of course.

PETER: And you like your job.

SAM: I’m a people person in a people business.

PETER: So. When we going to go.

SAM: Relax. It’s still light out.

PETER: You’re getting in the back.

SAM: Not in the parking lot.

PETER: Down the road.

SAM: After it gets dark.

PETER: You wanna wait.

SAM: Waiting is the best you can do right now.

PETER: You brought me in.

SAM: So.

PETER: I learned a lot from you.

SAM: You were really stupid. Even more than now, if you can imagine.

PETER: You never made a mistake.

SAM: Can’t afford to.

PETER: That’s why I was wondering.

SAM: Wondering what.

PETER: Why you’d take the chance.

SAM: I told you there’s no risk. None.

PETER: There’s plenty of risk.

SAM: None. Zero. You want seconds? That it? You in a hurry for that?

PETER: I’m not following you in there.

SAM: I ain’t got nothing you don’t want.

PETER: I don’t even shake hands with you.

SAM: Just don’t fuck with me. I’d cut your throat.

PETER: There’s a problem with that.

SAM: It’d fix a lot for me.

PETER: You’d die trying.

SAM: First, I’d never have to listen to your whining voice any more.

PETER: There’s a down side to that.

SAM: Second, by example, fewer people like you would try to fuck with me.

PETER: I never fuck with you.

SAM: You don’t know what you’re doing. .

PETER: What do you mean.

SAM: Attention to fucking detail.

PETER: I finish.

SAM: Only because you’re lucky.

PETER: What are you saying.

SAM: If you haven’t learned it by now, you’re a fucking punk.

PETER: Don’t call me that.

SAM: You miss stuff.

PETER: I do what I’m told.

SAM: We can train fucking monkeys to do what you fucking do. You gotta do more. You gotta think what can go wrong.

PETER: Mitch likes my work.

SAM: Because I cover for you. Little kids could do better.

PETER: Show me something I missed.

SAM: I’ll show you. You want me to show you.

PETER: That’s what I said.

SAM: A month ago.

PETER: It was still raining.

SAM: We took care of something.

PETER: Small problem.

SAM: Just had to speak to the guy.

PETER: It was easy.

SAM: He listened good.

PETER: He was a reasonable man.

SAM: He knew what we had.

PETER: Wall to wall.

SAM: We got it covered.

PETER: It turned out very well. So what’s the fucking problem.

SAM: The problem is you.

PETER: What I do?

SAM: It’s what you didn’t do.

PETER: What.

SAM: You didn’t stop him from going behind the fucking counter.

PETER: I let him walk around me.

SAM: He went through you like a fucking sieve.

PETER: So what. He wasn’t going anywhere.

SAM: Never give a customer a way out.

PETER: He was sold.

SAM: You don’t know what he had.

PETER: I had my hand in my pocket.

SAM: Suppose he wanted to talk it over.

PETER: He knew better.

SAM: What if he was as stupid as you?

PETER: I woulda won.

SAM: I don’t like noise.

PETER: I made no mistake.

SAM: None that shows. So far.

PETER: Then why are you still working with me.

SAM: I thought you had possibilities.

PETER: And now.

SAM: I’m going to have to have a talk.

PETER: With who.

SAM: Who else.

PETER: Go ahead. Go fucking ahead.

SAM: You better watch your fucking step.

PETER: I watch everything.

SAM: You fuck up a sale for me, that’s it.

PETER: I’m not fucking anything up.

SAM: I’m not in this business for it’s entertainment value.

PETER: What about today.

SAM: You can make an exception if you know what you’re doing.

PETER: An exception.

SAM: You fuck up and you’re back in punk city where you belong.

PETER: You’re not going to fuck her.

SAM: I said I was and I will.

PETER: I don’t believe it.

SAM: You gonna stop me?

PETER: Nobody’s going to try and stop you.

SAM: Boys town. Fag city. That’s where you’re headed. You couldn’t do it.

PETER: Whatever you say, Sam. So what are the details. What are we missing.

SAM: You tell me.

PETER: You want detail.

SAM: Every step.

PETER: Look. There’s a place on the road.

SAM: Where.

PETER: Up the canyon. You can see up and down the road a couple-three miles.

SAM: I saw it too. But you can’t see behind you. There’s a bend in the road.

PETER: There’s a bend, yeah. But beyond that you can see the road two-three miles away.

SAM: So?

PETER: So you wait four or five minutes. It’s a 30-mile an hour road.

SAM: If we don’t see nothing, that gives us four minutes.

PETER: Four minutes is plenty.

SAM: I want more than four minutes.

PETER: It takes you a while to get it up.

SAM: I get it up just fine. I just like to take my pleasure, that’s all.

PETER: You can get in the back as soon as we leave.

SAM: And let you drive.

PETER: That’s what I’m saying.

SAM: The way you drive.

PETER: You can’t have it both ways.

SAM: You drive like my fucking grandmother.

PETER: Daylight is best.

SAM: Better at night. You can see the lights.

PETER: Unless someone’s driving around without lights.

SAM: I guess. All right. So you’re driving.

PETER: You’re in the back doing what you think you do best.

SAM: I don’t like driving around.

PETER: We won’t be driving around. We just go there.

SAM: Before it gets dark.

PETER: Because we can see the road.

SAM: Four minutes is enough.

PETER: I stop the truck on the canyon side. I let you out.

SAM: We look up the road for five minutes.

PETER: And down the road.

SAM: Open the hood. Check the oil.

PETER: You’ve already taken care of things in the back.

SAM: We heave it and go.

PETER: Neat as a fucking pin.

SAM: What’s wrong with it. You gotta ask that.

PETER: You tell me.

SAM: While it’s still light.

PETER: Which means now.

SAM: Now.

PETER: Right fucking now.

SAM: I need another drink.

PETER: You don’t wanna do it.

SAM: What are you talking about. I’m going to do it. I told you.

PETER: Gimme the keys. I’ll take care of everything.

SAM: See what I mean.

PETER: What.

SAM: What if someone drives by when I’m getting out of the back?

PETER: Then don’t be so fucking slow. As soon as I stop, pull up your fucking pants.

SAM: I just don’t want any surprises, that’s all.

PETER: I look around. I drop the gate. You roll out. I slam it shut. I can see up the road ten seconds.

SAM: Then I check the oil.

PETER: Check the oil and look down the road. I look up the road and watch the clock.

SAM: If I see a car, you reset the clock.

PETER: Don’t need to reset. Five minutes cleans the road.

SAM: Six is better.

PETER: Six it is. Check the fucking oil until we don’t see a car for six minutes.

SAM: Then heave it and go.

PETER: It never happened.

SAM: Everything will be fine.

PETER: Everything.

SAM: Pop the hood before you get out.

PETER: Sure.

SAM: That way I can just open it. Won’t have to run around.

PETER: Soon as you hit the ground, I slam the tailgate. You walk up front and hit the latch. You know where the latch is on this truck?

SAM: I know where the fucking latch is.

PETER: Just the same. We’ll check the oil here.

SAM: In the lot is okay for that.

PETER: We don’t want any surprises.

SAM: Where we gonna stop so I can get in.

PETER: We’ll look for a place. Gimme the keys.

SAM: That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Details.

PETER: We’ll look around.

SAM: Look around where?

PETER: I don’t know. We’ll look around and talk about it. There’s plenty of places for that.

SAM: I need to know.

PETER: There’s a pull-out just up the road from here.

SAM: On the flat.

PETER: We’ll check the oil out there too. No cars. Open the gate. Slam. In.

SAM: I don’t like it.

PETER: Quit your stalling.

SAM: I’m not stalling.

PETER: I’ll only clean up your goddamned mess once.

SAM: You can’t talk to me like that. I’ll kick your fucking ass.

PETER: I’ll cut your fucking throat if you screw this up.

SAM: You’re going navy on me.

PETER: Things need mopping.

SAM: Look. You start riding the broom around me, I’ll treat you like every other fucking bitch I know.

PETER: I don’t look forward to that.

SAM: I’ll see to it.

PETER: Go out there and let the air out.

SAM: In the parking lot.

PETER: Yeah.

SAM: You’re fucking crazy.

PETER: Then we should go.

SAM: Driving around. Great.

PETER: Don’t make me clean up your fucking mess, Sam. You won’t like it.

SAM: There’s no mess.

PETER: How do you know. She might be pounding right now.

SAM: Will you shut the fuck up.

PETER: You gonna fix it?

SAM: You keep saying that.

PETER: You keep putting me off. It’s a simple question.

SAM: The question’s simple.

PETER: Suddenly the answer is complicated.

SAM: It’s complicated. The situation.

PETER: You’re refusing to simplify it. Even though it’s your job. Let me know when you want to quit.

SAM: I’m not quitting.

PETER: Now you got to prove yourself.

SAM: What the fuck you talking about.

PETER: I’m not going back to Mitch with a story.

SAM: Stories? What stories?

PETER: I mean it’s time to go.

SAM: Wait a minute.

PETER: Make it easy on yourself.

SAM: Let’s have another drink.

PETER: Be right back.

SAM: Not out there.

PETER: I just want to check the load.

SAM: Like you’re going to come back in and discuss it with me.

PETER: So what if I don’t? So what if I solve the problem? You got no interest.

SAM: Open up the back right outside the bar.

PETER: We’re running out of time.

SAM: Up the road. What if someone’s parked around the bend.

PETER: All right. We’ll drive around the bend and find out.

SAM: See what I mean. You don’t think about these things.

PETER: Drive up the road until we can see the pull-out.

SAM: Then we come back down.

PETER: Then we pull off.

SAM: What if someone follows us down and then parks.

PETER: You mean someone behind us we can’t see.

SAM: Yeah. While we’re coming back down.

PETER: Very unlikely.

SAM: But possible.

PETER: Are we doing this or not?

SAM: Sounds pretty good. But then so do a lot of things.

PETER: Let’s go.

SAM: We got plenty of time.

PETER: It’s late. It’s gonna be dark in twenty minutes.

SAM: Look, I know I’ve been hard on you.

PETER: What is this?

SAM: I didn’t mean anything by it.

PETER: What are you talking about?

SAM: About the way I talk sometimes.

PETER: Just a way of speaking. I understand, Sam.

SAM: I don’t think you do.

PETER: So straighten me out.

SAM: You might resent how I talk to you.

PETER: Look, I carry no baggage.

SAM: In front of the guys.

PETER: Nobody thinks anything. Least of all me.

SAM: I don’t know. I was pretty bad.

PETER: When.

SAM: I gotta spell it out for you?

PETER: That way both of us would know what the fuck you’re talking about.

SAM: When we were playing cards.

PETER: I remember playing cards. Before it started raining.

SAM: When you came in.

PETER: That was a long time ago.

SAM: You resented it.

PETER: Resented what, for Christ’s sake.

SAM: The way I talked.

PETER: I don’t remember resenting the way you did anything. But if you say so, I forgive you.

SAM: You didn’t seem rattled.

PETER: I don’t rattle. Interferes with my work.

SAM: I was just testing you.

PETER: Well I guess I passed, didn’t I.

SAM: So you’d take care of it.

PETER: If you asked.

SAM: You got a sister.

PETER: Don’t talk about my sister. I’ll fucking kill you.

SAM: What I mean to say...

PETER: Don’t do it Sam.

SAM: All right. I’m not. I’m talking about something else now.

PETER: Go ahead.

SAM: You know how it is.

PETER: How what is.

SAM: You get these thoughts.

PETER: What kind of thoughts.

SAM: They’re just thoughts.

PETER: You turning into some kind of fucking faggot or something.

SAM: You know better than that.

PETER: What then.

SAM: You mean you don’t get thoughts.

PETER: Thoughts.

SAM: You a machine?

PETER: I know how it is sometimes.

SAM: Yeah.

PETER: You get involved.

SAM: No. Not involved.

PETER: Because you can’t get involved.

SAM: Of course not.

PETER: But anyway, these thoughts you got.

SAM: It’s just that...

PETER: Just what?

SAM: It’s usually this guy.

PETER: Some lizard.

SAM: Nobody misses him much. Some young punk.

PETER: Some fucking insect.

SAM: On everybody’s list.

PETER: Or some old fart.

SAM: Everybody’s better off.

PETER: Wife gets the insurance.

SAM: Miserable son of a bitch.

PETER: I understand these thoughts, Sam.

SAM: I figured you would.

PETER: That can’t slow you down in anyway.

SAM: I’m not involved. Just thoughts.

PETER: Opens the door, Sam.

SAM: What do you mean, ‘opens the door’.

PETE: Like anything else. Stay three or four steps from trouble.

SAM: I’m no where near trouble.

PETER: And don’t keep anything in your stomach while you’re working.

SAM: Thinking is not a crime.

PETER: No but failure is.

SAM: Who said anything about failure.

PETER: Me.

SAM: I know this business.

PETER: You wanna wait here? You want me to take care of it?

SAM: You wanna do it.

PETER: I’ll do it. I don’t mind.

SAM: I know you don’t. You learned good.

PETER: I wouldn’t ask you to do something I wouldn’t do myself.

SAM: I’m grateful.

PETER: I’ll come back for you.

SAM: No. Don’t go.

PETER: What are you scared of?

SAM: I’m not scared of nothing.

PETER: Then we’ll both go.

SAM: Sure. Both of us.

PETER: I’ll drive.

SAM: Yeah. You drive.

PETER: And I’ll take care of the rest too. Just stay in the seat.

SAM: Maybe you’re right.

PETER: So let’s go.

SAM: Yeah. We gotta check those breaks.

PETER: Yeah. There’s a noise.

SAM: Might have to take it into the shop.

PETER: I think you’re right. Let’s go.

SAM: Or I could stay here even.

PETER: Of course. Gimme the keys. I’ll take care of it.

SAM: How?

PETER: I get in the truck and drive off.

SAM: Nothing in the lot.

PETER: Don’t even check the oil. I know the truck.

SAM: Up the road and around the bend.

PETER: Just like we said. No different.

SAM: Check the oil in the pullout.

PETER: Until it’s clear.

SAM: What about me?

PETER: What about you?

SAM: What are you going to do with me?

PETER: Nothing.

SAM: Nothing.

PETER: I’m cleaning your mess, that’s all.

SAM: You’ll come back.

PETER: Of course I’ll be back.

SAM: You mean that?

PETER: Of course I mean it.

SAM: Give me some time, Pete.

PETER: What’re you talking about.

SAM: One day would be plenty.

PETER: Mitch wouldn’t ask me.

SAM: You couldn’t do it.

PETER: Who says. Go ahead. Piss me off.

SAM: I’m not afraid of you.

PETER: Then you’re not afraid of anything.

SAM: Mitch wouldn’t ask you.

PETER: Of course not.

SAM: Wouldn’t expect it of you.

PETER: Would not.

SAM: So you’re going to give me some time.

PETER: You got lots of time.

SAM: Hours.

PETER: Days. Weeks even.

SAM: I need time.

PETER: You need money?

SAM: I’m okay.

PETER: Sure? I’d be glad. What ever you want.

SAM: I’m fine.

PETER: Worst case, you could rabbit.

SAM: Yeah. I got nobody.

PETER: It’s a big world.

SAM: Very big.

PETER: You could live like a fucking king the way you hang onto your money. Mexico.

SAM: I don’t know about that. But I could clear out fast.

PETER: Be right back.

SAM: Where you going?

PETER: I’m going to powder my ass. Why, you wanna watch?

SAM: You’re not going to call.

PETER: Call who?

SAM: I don’t know. Mitch. Somebody.

PETER: Mitch is the last person I want to talk to now, believe me.

SAM: You can’t take a story to Mitch.

PETER: Can not.

SAM: You gotta clean it up.

PETER: Yeah. We can’t leave a mess.

SAM: You wanna drive.

PETER: Yeah. Gimme the fucking keys.

SAM: That or we wait. Which way you want it.

PETER: Don’t gimme that, Sam. We just worked it out.

SAM: Will you just relax for a minute. It’s not an emergency.

PETER: Relax. You want me to relax.

SAM: Yeah. Take it easy.

PETER: She’s pounding and you want me to relax.

SAM: If we did it the other way.

PETER: What other way.

SAM: If you took care of it.

PETER: I just want it one way or the other, Sam.

SAM: If you took care of it and then came back for me.

PETER: I’m not going to leave you here.

SAM: You’d pick me up.

PETER: That’s right.

SAM: Then what.

PETER: Then nothing. We lean. Have a couple of drinks.

SAM: It’s not a question of loyalty.

PETER: Your loyalty is not in question. That would be grounds. Your feet just got cold. Could happen to anybody.

SAM: Anyone.

PETER: You can still clean up your mess.

SAM: It’s still in my hands.

PETER: You’d be good then.

SAM: If I can do that, I can do anything.

PETER: Anything at all. Just do your job.

SAM: Or you do it.

PETER: That’s the other way. I mean, you know a lot.

SAM: I know everything.

PETER: But you don’t shoot your mouth off.

SAM: Of course not.

PETER: He’ll give you something to do.

SAM: Like what?

PETER: Something. I don’t know. You’ll have a sit down.

SAM: I’ll get an offer.

PETER: Of course you will. I can’t speak for Mitch but he knows my opinion. You can sell.

SAM: Bartender maybe.

PETER: Something easy. You’ve been a good guy. Always did your job.

SAM: Keep my mouth shut.

PETER: Mitch loves his corners.

SAM: He’s great. He really is.

PETER: And you can still clean it up. Today.

SAM: You still want me to clean it up.

PETER: Best for everybody, Sam. Gimme the keys.

SAM: Would you fuck her?

PETER: Not for myself, no.

SAM: For anything.

PETER: Before or after?

SAM: Either one.

PETER: During.

SAM: While.

PETER: Just to see that look on your face.

SAM: You’re an evil son of a bitch.

PETER: I don’t talk about your mother that way.

SAM: Pete...

PETER: Gimme the fucking keys, Sam, or I’m going to have to make a call.

SAM: What do you mean.

PETER: I mean you’re flunking the heart check.

SAM: Just talking.

PETER: Let me finish the job.

SAM: Or what.

PETER: Or I call in some help. It’s getting too big for me.

SAM: I’m going for the keys, Pete.

PETER: I know you are.

SAM: They’re in my pants pocket.

PETER: That’s where you put them.

SAM: Don’t leave me here.

PETER: I won’t. I can’t.

SAM: Don’t leave me by the road.

PETER: I can’t do that either. You’re as big as me.

SAM: Or I could drive.

PETER: Gimme the keys, you son of bitching motherfucker.

SAM: Don’t talk about my mom that way, Pete.

PETER: Your bra strap’s showing.

SAM: Maybe you want to see some tit.

PETER: You’re going to look awful funny truing to eat corn on the cob with this table in your fucking mouth. What do you want, Sam.

SAM: You wanna know what I want.

PETER: Yes, I do.

SAM: I wanna let her go.

PETER: Me too.

SAM: You do?

PETER: Sure. But I’m not going to. Neither are you.

SAM: You can’t stop me.

PETER: Let me know when you want to prove that.

SAM: You’ll be double-bunking with some daddy family style for life. If it comes to that.

PETER: Mitch will not be pleased.

SAM: No kidding.

PETER: This is grounds. Are you Batman? Gonna go around saving mammals or something? She’s a fucking whore.

SAM: She isn’t.

PETER: She’s got something on somebody.

SAM: So do you.

PETER: You never stuck your neck out for anybody before.

SAM: There’s lots of other people in the world. There’s only one me.

PETER: What a mess. What am I gonna say?

SAM: As he’s cutting your nuts off. That’ll be a tearful sight.

PETER: The truth is not much to live on. You dump me here.

SAM: Out in the parking lot. I take your piece.

PETER: I’m not picking up any soap around you.

SAM: I sucker-punch you outside.

PETER: You wanna fuck around outside.

SAM: Just for show.

PETER: How’d we get here in the first place.

SAM: I was driving. Remember?

PETER: I let you drive. I let you run the whole thing. The air. The cross.

SAM: Everybody knows you can’t get a quarter in a parking meter without pissing your pants.

PETER: I let you jump me outside. He’ll believe that.

SAM: Surprised?

PETER: Why’d you let me go?

SAM: You got away after a fierce battle. You want me to put a hole in you?

PETER: That would be lovely. But no thanks.

SAM: So I’m leaving.

PETER: You going to show your back.

SAM: I’m not worried about you.

PETER: If you don’t think you’re being treated well, there could be more in it for you.

SAM: Yeah. Tell Mitch that too. Tell Mitch the price has gone up. A lot.

PETER: It’s Mitch isn’t it.

SAM: I don’t care if the man lives or dies.

PETER: I’m looking at a very dead man.

SAM: Not your fault.

PETER: I never thought you’d turn chickenshit on us.

SAM: You don’t know nothing.

COP: You have the right to remain silent.

SAM: You got it all wrong. He’s got a girl in the back of the truck. She’s still alive. You can still save her.

SAM: He’s not a cop. Everybody. He’s not a cop. Help me. They’re going to kill me.

SAM: Pete, you son of a bitch. Your sister’s a whore, Pete. A fucking whore.

CAPTAIN: Halt. Drop the gun!

CAPTAIN: Open that!

CAPTAIN: Please, lady, we’re the police! Don’t hurt us!

SAMANTHA: What took you so long?

WORDS: (166 words = 1 minute) 28 minutes.