The Crimes of Santa Claus

The Blessings of Yahweh

Drives his reindeer very hard one night out of the year, although the other days they can pretty much do whatever they want.

Cursed Adam and all his male descendents with a life of hard labor ending in death for eating one of His apples.

Sometimes forgets to give me a present that I really, really want, even though I’ve been very, very good.

Cursed Eve and all her female descendents with a life of painful childbirth ending in death for eating one of His apples.

Employs elves, possibly in sweatshop conditions.

Drowned everyone in the world, even the babies, except for Noah’s family because He thought people were wicked.

Will not let any other reindeer except Rudolph lead the reindeer team. 

Drowned every animal in the world, even the babies, except for the ones Noah was able to save.

Threatens to not give presents to naughty children, although he always does anyway.

After telling Moses "Thou shall not kill!", He permitted the murder of all of the men of the tribe of Aaron, even the little ones, except Aaron, for dancing around a golden calf.

Disappoints some children by not always eating all the cookies that they leave for him.

After forbidding adultery by commandment and sentencing adulterers to death by stoning, permitted David’s adultery with the wife of Uriah.

Not very articulate. "Ho ho ho." Seems to cover just about every situation.

Killed all of Job’s family, destroyed all of his crops, and plagued him with diseases just to see if Job would get mad at Him.  

Has been seen kissing mothers.

Engaged in an adulterous relationship with Mary of Nazareth despite His commandment "Thou shall not commit adultery!" and corresponding punishment of death by stoning.

Permitted the rape of Constantinople by Christian crusaders in His name.

Permitted the rape of Jerusalem by Christian crusaders in His name.

Permitted the sale of indulgences in His name freeing wealthy sinners from penance while poorer people were damned to burn in Hell for thousands of years.

Permitted the torture, burning alive, and confiscation of property in Europe, in His name, of thousands of men and women for questioning the dictates of the priesthood.

Continues to permit priests to rape children.

Permitted the torture, hanging, and confiscation of property, in His name, of 11 men and women in Salem, Massachusetts, accused of witchcraft.

Permitted the murder and confiscation of their property, in His name, of the Waldensians.

Permitted the murder and confiscation of their property, in His name, of the Cathars.

Permitted the persecution, in His name, of Quakers, Mormans, and Muslims.

Demanded that Abraham cut his son’s throat, just to see if he would do it.

Permits Satan, His worst enemy and the worst enemy of mankind, to torture by fire for many thousands of years many thousands of people who made mistakes during their brief life.

Permitted the genocide in His name of European Jews and Gypsies.

Permits Satan, His worst enemy and the worst enemy of mankind, to trick many thousands of people into making mistakes for which they would burn in Hell for thousands of years.

Although omnipotent, permits the greatest evils in the world and frequently punishes its victims with everlasting fire.

Created a world in order to destroy it.